Saturday, May 3, 2008

Papa in Mexico, Day Four

So I stayed up really late again. First I talked to Rebecca upstairs after the kids were in bed. She's having a rough time too, so we commiserated. Then I came back down and even though it was almost 2 a.m., decided to watch Charlie Wilson's War from the library and eat sunflower seeds. The inside of my lips still kinda tingle from all the salt. So it was after four when I got to bed and I'd had a good amount of organic sulfite-free wine, which I'd picked out for Lyz's overnight visit this weekend, but since she canceled, I felt free to drink myself. It was kinda sweet and weird.

The boys wrestled in my bed this morning while I preferred to be sleeping, so I kicked them out. I dealt with the usual morning routine of indecision and screaming over which foods should be prepared and in what precise manner they should be prepared. It was peanut butter and jelly again for Bastian, but he also wanted milk, on cereal, I think, though we don't have any of that. Yet he insisted on the milk and I ended up pouring some in a bowl with a spoon which he promptly decided he did not want at all and which went to complete waste. This food business is starting to become really wearing.

Then I went back to bed.

The boys entertained themselves with video games and cartoons again. It was another horribly dark rainy day. My little sister was supposed to come up and visit tonight, but called around two while I was cleaning the bathroom and decided that she didn't really want to. This depressed me further than I already was, because I was looking forward to the company and the respite. Alas, it will not be.

I managed to sit down for a few minutes and started taking a look at a book we got from the library by Lucy and Stephen Hawking called George's Secret Key to the Universe. It doesn't seem to be especially well written at all, but Aleks was intrigued by the pictures of space objects. Of particular interest were some comets, which we learned are bodies of ice and rock with a luminous tale that orbits the sun. We learned that Haley's Comet is visible on earth only every 76 years. He seemed into it.

We didn't see much information with the pictures themselves, so he had to run to grab his Earth and Space book that Papa Logan got him for Christmas (along with the complete solar system in classroom-friendly fu
ll-color cardstock cut-outs which now decorate his bedroom walls). The glossary in Earth and Space gave us the easy definition of comet and also let us in on what nebulae are. I already knew what nebulae were, but had trouble finding the words to explain to Aleks. That's why space books written for children are so handy. Simplification. A nebula is a cloud of dust and gas in which stars are born.

I first discovered how awesome nebulae are on our trip to the nature center in Bay Village back in October, where there was a huge photo of the Orion Nebula, which is gorgeous. I think though, that the Hawking book really helps me to see how incredible the Eagle Nebula is:

And how cosmically awe-inspiring is the Horse-head Nebula:
Makes me for sure want to talk about nebulae for my Heavy Metal Science Club presentation, should I actually decide to have the time to do such a presentation. After what might have amounted to an anxiety attack yesterday about the sheer volume of stuff that is making life complicated for me, I decided that I may just have to cut myself out of Mix Tape Meltdown. It may have to be one of those things that goes. Unless, of course, I find making a mix tape to be highly satisfying and relaxing. Maybe. We'll see. If I do, I'll have to definitely include Eric Idle's The Universe (which reminds me that Jon and I thought it might be a good idea to expose the kids to some Monty Python - I'll have to get on that):

Aleks gave up his interest in space when I started pointing to a picture of the Milky Way and telling him that we live there. Then he ran off. Back to cartoons, video games, and Lego. That's all it is these days, over and over. And I don't seem to care because I can't even muster the energy to not freak out about messes and insolence and other things that intellectually I tolerate and understand the root causes of but which emotionally drive me to the brink.

And so it went. While I took a shower, I heard crashing throughout the boys' room. I knew Bastian was throwing stuff on the ground. Since I was in the shower, I wasn't quite aware how much. I found out.

It was everything.

And Bastian thought it was great. He climbed up to the top of his mess hill like he was king of the world; Captain Destructo! That name used to be reserved for Aleks. No more. No more.

I was trying to get out the house when all this went down, so I don't think we actually made it to the grocery store until after six o'clock. We went out for the wheat germ and rolled oats for the quiche I have yet to make, as well as more broccoli because I forgot we already ate the other head and you can't make broccoli quiche without broccoli. I also needed cherries for nipples for a pregnant woman torso cake for the mama blessing I'm hosting tomorrow (not at my house, thank god). We had to go to two stores and it started pouring down rain in the midst. Bastian fell asleep in the car in between the Co-op and Zagara's and when we got to Zagara's, didn't exactly wake up at all. As I was pushing him in the cart, scouring the aisles for maraschino cherries, his poor little head was bobbing back and forth with the cart, which kept waking him up. There was one of those little wallet trays on our cart, so I pulled him towards me and put his arms under his head. He slept hunched over like that the whole time we were there. I carried him back out through the rain with no umbrella and he slept the whole car ride home and on the bed for another 45 minutes or so. He must be fighting something off. I keep checking his head, though, to no avail.

He woke up, ate some pizza (again we got back too late for me to bother cooking - the house is clean though!), and peed in his pants for the second? third? time today. Back in the bath he goes. In the tub, I sang the alphabet song for him and pointed out all the letters. He was mostly concerned that the G wouldn't stay sticking to the side of the tub, probably due to the fact that he's chewed it all out of shape. Then he lined all the letters up, then put them in the bucket, then dumped them all back out again.

Meanwhile, Aleks built some Lego structures for Jo, our neighbor who was coming over to bring the belly cake she made for me.

Aleks: This is Indiana Jones' Temple. It has a spear shooting trap that's electricutable, laser shootable, and spears flying at your head thing-able.
Me: walking away Okay. Cool.
Aleks: calling after And a super bladey thing!!!
Me: Wow!

I have an itchy cough and am tired now. Still lonely. Still desperately longing for Jon, in all his beardedness.


Sarah said...

Hi, I'm a regular reader of your blog (and I've seen a lot of your posts on MDC - where I'm Neldavi .. been lurking a lot lately - including the Idle Parent thread right now) though I've only commented here once. I just wanted to thank you for being so honest about your emotions and the difficulties of being an engaged and gentle parent while keeping yourself sane and satisfied. I have a just turned 4 year old and a 17 month old who I'm home with while my husband works a lot. I relate so much to many things you've said, internet stupor, ignoring huge crashes in the background because it's just too much to deal with .. feeling like I should make my life look like Amanda Soule's or else my kids are missing out (I think that was from MDC). Anyway, yours is one of those internet lives that I look in on and gain inspiration and ideas from, so it's so refreshing to see that you're just another struggling human, lol. Thanks for being willing to be honest. Everyone tells me it's easier when they're older, and I suppose I should believe them, right? ;)

Linda said...

"captain destructo" ha ha! Once someone called Rowan "the master of disaster" and she gleefully referred to herself as such for a long time. Bastian looks pretty happy in his mess of a room, I must say.

Scott is going to be leaving me for a week in May and a week in June. I may be writing some posts that look very much like yours. That is if I have the energy. Does the wine really help? I've never drunk alone but I just might have to try it.

anna kiss said...

Thanks Sarah! I'm glad that someone is getting something from all this. ha ha! Seriously, I always appreciate reading about people who are real rather than idealized too and I'm always up for sharing my struggle. If you've ever read, you'll know that because all I do is whine.

Linda - the wine does help. If nothing else but to give me some downtime after everyone's in bed where I feel like a grownup a bit. Plus I go to sleep easy that way.